Without getting too deep into my personal life, my long-term boyfriend and I have been in an unstable relationship since I was about 10 years old. I have very little memories of my childhood, but the one that never seems to fade is one involving my aunt and her comments about my unpredictable partner who I often lusted & became greedy over.
“Oooh, here she comes,” my aunt would say, close enough for me to smell the twang of red wine soaking on her tongue. “Mrs. I Love Money.”
For as long as I remember, I’ve always had an unstable relationship with Mr. Money. He would come into my life every now and again in abundance for me to splurge on things that made me temporarily happy, before leaving me dry with a rack of debts that’d been neglected in the meantime. I would pray for him to show up when it was time to go on school trips or girly sleepovers, and I would hope he would never make me feel bad whenever I spent him on food, magazines, and other things I didn’t really need.
Now, as an adult, I realise I was (and still am) a product of my upbringing + environment, grasping at straws for financial stability. Growing up working class made everything feel like it was only a matter of time before it all ran out, so my mind would scream: ‘best to use it all as quick as you can! Quick! Hurry! It’ll always come again but for now—spend!’
In adopting this scarcity mindset, this meant that whenever Mr. Money did come back to wish me well, it wouldn’t be long until I was hoping to see him again because I’d already spent him.
SCARCITY MINDSET:
‘A scarcity mindset is when you believe there are limited resources, so if someone else has something, you feel there is less of that resource available for you.’ - Tabitha Kirkland, a psychologist and associate teaching professor at the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology.
As mentioned, I became a product of this from as early as 10 years old. (How old is your young girl again?) And even though my environment played a part into that, I can’t solely blame my upbringing for that. One thing I know for sure: Mr. Money does not discriminate.
Your young girl could be from a well-established background where she owns horses and skis in France during half-term, but that doesn’t mean that she’ll know how to maintain her luxury when it’s time to begin university and she needs to work within a provided allowance.
Your young girl could be from a middle-class background where she understands she has access just as much as she does boundaries, but ends up dating an aspiring musician who weasels his way into living with her rent-free because she is his ‘muse’.
Your young girl could be from a working-class background where she’s never had the luxury of money, so when she finally does after securing that great job, she’s internalised that good old scarcity mindset and instead of treating herself to the 2-bedroom apartment she can more than afford, she flat shares with a toothy guy renting his spare room infested with mice.
My point is: having a healthy relationship with money goes beyond circumstance, environment & upbringing, but what your young has been taught to believe about it.
Below you will find an activity for you to try with your young girl to begin the process of helping her understand money & its function. Please note this is just a guide & use how suits you and your young girl best. Following this are a few affirmations about and surrounding Mr. Money.
ACTIVITY
#1 Goal: to help her understand the value of money as a reward and act of service
How:
Buy a piggy bank/savings tin or create one using home materials such as, an old jar/shoebox/vitamin bottle/yoghurt carton (put a hole in the lid & decorate with string, textiles, whatever you want! Get creative!)
Label it as her ‘savings jar’ or ‘earnings jar’ or ‘princess [insert name] jar’. Personalising it makes her feel special and the jar, precious
Draw a ‘minimum line’ a third away from the bottom of the jar.
Let her know that the jar IS NOT a locked space, and that when NEEDED, we can unlock the jar & remove SOME of the money, but money ALWAYS needs to remain in the jar and never below the minimum line – this will introduce her to BUDGETING.
Sit her down & ask her what she thinks are a GOOD THINGS that would be worth her getting a monetary reward for her jar – this is how she will learn EARNING & SAVING.
Ask her what reasons she may need to take money out the jar. Create a list. Whenever one of those reasons come up, see if you have the required amount – this is how she will learn MONEY MANAGEMENT/MEANS-LIVING.
#2 Goal: to create a game that will help your young girl associate money with selfishness & selflessness
How: print off, draw or cut out images of the following people & scenarios and get her to match each one to the correct use of money. On the back of each person or scenario, write how spending or saving money will benefit or harm them.
People + scenarios
People | Give money? Don’t give money? |
Homeless person | Give money, or if possible, offer to buy them food/drink |
Restaurant server | Give money as a tip because they aren’t paid well for hardworking job |
Girl/boy from your school threatening you if you don’t give them your money | Don’t give money. Tell a teacher/your family you are being bullied and harassed. You shouldn’t feel pressure to give away what is yours, and especially to rude or naughty people. |
Close friend on free school meals asks for £1 to buy chips with you after school | Give money if you have it spare. If you don’t have it spare, say you are sorry you cant give them £1, but you are happy to share your chips after school. |
Someone online is asking you for your money | Don’t give money. If someone is messaging you online for your money, always speak to an adult and show them the message. They will know what to do. |
Money affirmations
Money isn’t something I need to grip tightly because it won’t run away
Money is something I enjoy sharing when I have it.
Money will always come to me because I respect money.
Money is a tool I use to be the best version of myself.
Money will always flow to me because I know how to manage it.
Money will always flow to me because I take good care of it.
Money doesn’t need to be spent all the time. Sometimes I can save my money.
Money isn’t bad as long as I am good.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words! I hope they were helpful to you in some way! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to let Danielle know in the comment section. If you would like to request my creative writing services, feel free to contact me directly!
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